worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize