yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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