i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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