does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize