paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
