Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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