Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
