i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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