Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
