Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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