Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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