If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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