I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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