Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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