I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
