I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
