is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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