Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
