between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
