He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
this is an emotional support booty call
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
