how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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