Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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