I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
