Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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