It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
