Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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