I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I hope mine doesn't look like that
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
