This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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