Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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