yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
