ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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