That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
