So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Duck Duck Cougar?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
