I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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