Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
