It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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