Whod you bang
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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