Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Be still, my beating vagina.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
