you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
how does that bad decision feel?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
