My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize