its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
