Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
