She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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