My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
