What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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