that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
