I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
