So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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