there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize