she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
