Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
