My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
