How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
