hotel room ftw
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize