Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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