speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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