btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
