I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
