I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
