so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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