Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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