No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
