I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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