I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
