after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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