Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
i think i just lost a toe
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
