tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
