What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
