can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
