I just threw up on my dentist
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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