i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
